rebel red'fined

Consequences

2010-12-09T11:02:00.000-08:00

i once saw this lady on the streets of Nairobi and i was so heart broken. My pals and i tried talking to her, she never spoke back. my gal gave her money and we told her to be at that same spot the next day so that we could bring her stuff, but she never showed up. i have always wondered what happened to her and with her baby's face and cry still in my head i write;

he was probably drunk or
needed some cheap lay
she was probably hungry with
no money to feed herself
he probably found her on the streets or
probably met her in a bar,
but they laid with each other
she probably was paid, but
cash that would not last her a
night
a child was the consequence

now she sits on the streets
but she does not beg
she just sits there looking lost in her
thoughts and
if you try converse with her
she acts like she don't understand
the baby is only one month old
but already sick from the cold
its immune system crapped up
'cause she cannot feed herself or
the baby.

does he know that a baby
resulted to his sexual satisfaction
that due to his action
there was a reaction
or
does his life continue as
if nothing happened?

see
we act like what we do
does not matter
we walk around acting like we do
not care
we walk in and out of peoples' lives
like we do not affect them
yet probably we left their
life course changed
yet probably we left effects
that lead to long life infections

for how long shall our fleshly lust,
our greed, our gluttonous of life
be more important than empathy
for how long shall we walk around
sunk in apathy
for how long shall we act as if
our actions do not have
consequences?

check yourself!!

-ONE-

Discovery

2010-07-21T22:41:00.001-07:00

New star has been discovered which scientists say is a million years old and shall live 10 million more before it breaks into smaller stars: it is 20 times brighter than the sun and 615 times bigger than the earth. Leaves you wondering why it took so long to discover such a huge/monster star

Law of the land vs. law of God.

2010-07-12T02:25:00.000-07:00

Lately I have asked myself how come we are more scared of laws of the land than the laws of God. The world has changed so much since I was a child. When I was growing up life was simple, loving did not come with a price like today. Family was valued and God was feared. Today, years later, a lot has changed and love has become more of a convenience and viewed as a status quo. Family is seen as a nuisance and people do whatever they feel like without caring who they are hurting. I hear they call it ‘man eats man society’.

When did we start glorifying the law of the land and dismiss the law of God?
For example; the common law states that one shall not kill, steal and not pay taxes etc. which most of us are scared of breaking because we know this can land us in jail or on a death sentence. Doesn’t God’s law state the same yet we dismiss His wrath upon us which is death. How come we are no longer scared of the laws of God anymore?

We tend to behave like breaking of God’s laws has no consequences. It is as if one is doing no wrong so long as everyone is doing it. Following a wave/crowd does not mean it is right. I have seen people follow fashion trends, fall into peer pressure because they want to fit in. Why can’t you just stand out and be your own man/woman? Is it that bad not to fit in?

For example; fornication, adultery has been accepted in the society such that if one is not indulging in it, he/she is considered as not trendy. Having sex with more than one partners earns you respect in your peer group. If you are a virgin you are viewed as ‘backwards’. It is stated clearly in the bible that fornication, adultery is a SIN. Sex is supposed to be sacred, between MAN and WIFE, but nowadays it’s a pass time pleasure for anyone and everyone. Does this mean that God was crazy when He gave these laws?

The excuse I hear people give is that ‘I am human’. My heart breaks every time because this is the lamest excuse we can give; God gave us a very powerful tool which is our mind. However, we no longer use it because we do not want to tire. The mind can send signals to our bodies as well as be used for self control. We do not try hard enough because we know there is always something to fall back on ‘I am human’. How long shall one use this as an excuse? When shall you stand up for what you believe in, your principles, your dos and don’ts? For how long shall you follow the crowd?

The ‘I do not care’ attitude has taken over and we have equalized God to a human being that much I believe. God no longer matters to us; He is one of us now (very sad). Forget that His wrath is upon us, what about all the STD s, unwanted pregnancies that lead to abortions? Enough women die every day as they try to abort, yet there are women out there who would even kill just to bear children. Cases of AIDS are on the rise, but people still say it’s a myth. People still do not learn. How sad the society has become. They may say that ‘ignorance is bliss’, but believe me it is not. Open your eyes and ears, hear and listen to what the world is saying. Every action has an equal reaction. Look around you; learn from what is happening to you and others because the world is in trouble. We are perishing due to our own sins and unless we repent and change our ways we are doomed. The earthquakes, floods and calamities happening lately are a sign yet we do not realize it, we think it’s natural.

Heed God’s words…He said, “My people shall perish for lack of knowledge”.

Regardless of how we twist His words, come up with our own laws, God’s law still stand.

hush and listen

2010-07-07T07:32:00.000-07:00

i believe if God would be human for a day this is what He would say because all the time we go asking for what we want yet we do not take the time to just shut up and listen to Him. He talks to us in all sorts of ways; thru' dreams, bible verses, the people in our lives as well as consequences happening. today just take a moment, be still and LISTEN.

Many a times when
I try to talk to you
to let you know what I feel
I try to let you in on who I am
what I need, want
but you never

hush and listen

you just talk on and on
about who you are
what you want and need

I try to let you know
about my dreams, my future plans
my hopes
try to let you know
what I hope to achieve
but you don’t

hush and listen

you boast all thru’ of your achievements
sing of your riches and
display me around like a trophy

My pain, my joy
my happiness, my sadness
how my day has been
I try to share
but you don’t

hush and listen

you talk on and on about your friends
their issues, your drinking spree
and brush me off

As I lay down
at the end of the day
I cry me to sleep
and
as I wake up the next morning
I realize it is another day
that you shall not

hush and listen

Haiti quake

2010-01-19T19:57:00.000-08:00

Many including i are wondering what the Haiti quake was meant to pass across. I have this tendancy of looking at things from a deeper level and Haiti makes me feel like it is the end of the world(my take). As long as i have lived, never have i seen so much damage from a quake and for it to hit in the capital city, that was scary. It saddens me that so many people have to see death and lose their loved ones and there is not much they can do about it.

today take a moment of silence and say a prayer for them

Happy new year

2010-01-01T09:15:00.000-08:00

Its 2010 my good people, i want to wish a happy one to all my readers n blessings upon thy lives,may all your heart desires be met.

we all have resolutions, big things and ideas in our minds, its a new beginning for some of us. I wish yu guys all the best in this year

2009-12-24T20:20:00.000-08:00

Its been a while, but nxt year we got big things coming.

the year has been uphill n downhill for me, but a lot i have learned n i can only thank God that i opened my eyes wider.

i wish yu a very Merry Xmas n Happy New Year 2010. May the Lord guide u all.

edgy

2009-07-18T05:23:00.000-07:00

that's it am on the dege of breaking down, throwing my hands and giving up. have i been away for a while or what????t's more of what than where...what am ai saying. lately all has been getting to me i just want to scream and am getting so mad at everyone...damn i need some yoga or some of that shit they use to cool one down and bring peace within. maybe i should join the monks or become a Buddhist...

where am i again????

eish

2009-04-30T05:52:00.000-07:00

women in Kenya have gone on a 7 day sex strike.....i feel for men....like heavens nope, i feel jerk, maybe it's about time women took matters into they own hands and said enough is enough. who knows maybe this could change how the government behaves.

now my question is did the prostitutes go on holiday or is business going to be a boost for the next 7 days????mmmmhhhhh.......that goes without asking because we know men in general cannot ZIP UP.....especially Kenyan men...they just a sad case.

i on the other hand shall sit back, relax and watch this whole drama unfold coz apparently the Prime Minister's wife is SUPPORTING this strike....need i say more?

nice labour day y'all

2009-04-28T07:15:00.000-07:00

am still blank...i had a very long day and i mean it was really overstretched. Now am listening to some ill music trying to get my moods high before i go home. i cannot wait to go and just put my legs up, get cosy and read Maya Angelou..that woman speaks to my heart....hopefully i won't be too tired such that i will just sleep.

i am just wondering what today was all about, coz seriously i have done nothing sensible but download some spoken word that i shall enjoy listening to. my time is almost up here
(not in the world, but where i work) and am now wondering what next. the question doesn't bother me that much though i know if it doesn't happen soon, i shall go crazy. the next chapter shall be the main one, what happens next determines everything....my future and all

today in the morning i was thinking of all the things i want to do..you know how people write down the 'to do list' and i wondered about mine...i have always wanted to speak like a jamaican, wished i could just go to that country and live there for one year and learn their 'haffi give dem, me no go' langauge....i would probably come back crazy smoking weed and justifying how its a herb!!!!!yea right!!...don' get me wrong am down with the Jamaican brothers and sisters; sons and daughters of the Most High (igh..as they would say it); i listen to reggae also and at some point ina me life i had dreadlocks....now i have gone gothic and done mohawk to my head....

you know i have totally left the point i was driving at, but i have now also forgotten it....wow is my mind with me or did i just loose it???????

aaahhhhhhh!!!!!

2009-04-27T22:39:00.000-07:00

i am not sure what to write today.....on my way to work i had overflowing words and since i did not take my pen and paper to write them they have since escaped. Now am sitted here on my table ain't sure what to write so as i try to figure out....have this break and thinking session with me..........thinking, thinking, thinking....are you still with me???

my boy called me yesterday and complained that i haven't written anything...i kinda get lazy at times, but life can also take its toll on one at times......

am reading 'letter to my daughter' by Maya Angelou, hopefully i get some incites some words of wisdom or just gives me an idea of what to say........

who to blame........???????

2009-04-21T23:39:00.000-07:00

he was probably drunk or needed some cheap lay.....she was probably hungry with no money to feed herself.....they did it, she probably was paid, but cash that would not last her a night...

it might have been a rape case.........

there are consequences to every deed we do and in this case she did fall pregnant and now she be on the streets trying to feed the baby that was probably a result of a one night stand. she does not beg, but just sits there looking so lost and if you try converse with her, she acts like she don't understand you. the baby is only one month old and she is sick from the cold(it's cold season now), its immune system crapped up because the mother cannot feed it to the full for she has no means to feed herself.

I saw this woman yesterday and it got me thinking........the man who played a part in the game is somewhere living it up and moving on with his life. Sure he may not know, or he does, but chose to dismiss it.

I do not want to play a blame game, but do you blame the society, the woman or the man. Circumstances lead us to do weird, crazy, un-understable things; but we should always know that there are consequences which are equal reaction to the deed......but a pity unto the women who find themselves in such situations because it breaks my heart to see what they have to go through and how their children are going to view the world as they grow up.......

end of another week....!!!!!!!

2009-04-17T07:35:00.000-07:00

Phwex!!!!!!!!!!! Never have i been so happy that a week is over. Feeling sleepy and wanting to just run away from the daily hassles of life is not funny...it's like having a second job.

Today is a Friday and am about to actually go home,lay back, chill as i take some green tea to re-balance my life and my internal peace. The best thing about it all is the people i have around me right now are all supportive and understanding that they are willing to put up with me. Their encouraging words have been my solid rock, though God has seen me through it all. If He could, he would probably slap me silly because this week i let life and everything else get to me.

This weekend, i shall re-organise my mind, rejuvenate my energies and move on from there.

Anyone who gets to read this page have a nice weekend.

poem of this week;
The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost.

You are the one

2009-04-14T22:34:00.000-07:00

The first time i saw you i knew you were the one. Not until i feasted my naked eyes upon your sexy self, did my doubts of my deep love for you disappear. You make me wanna sing the song by Corrine Bailey ....' i get so breathless when you call my name....' because anytime i hear you call me, i cannot move my feet; i freeze and get weak and chills flow down through my spine and my whole body shakes. Said without a doubt, you were made for me.

A good life together, we shall have. I cherish the moments and the memories we are about to start making together. The laughters and the joys that shall come our way, the pains and heartaches that shall see us take rides towards unknown destinations. Your touch takes me high above; cloud 9 has got nothing on it. Your masculinity leaves me drooling wanting to touch every part of you and teasing every freckle of your magnificent stripes. Your skin colour brings my heart to my mouth that am speechless and i choke on every word that i want to sing to you.

As if that’s not mesmerizing enough, your inside could never have been more beautiful, that i want to know and figure out every part of you. The fresh and so clean scent leaves me wanting to lick you up and down till you say NO.

I can never have enough of you and i never will, for in love with you i have fallen. Deep as the abyss is how far my feelings for you go. The rainy and muddy days that you shall use your legs to carry me through; the sunny days that you shall protect me from skin cancer with your gorgeous body, i treasure.

Even though we have not lived with each other for long, i want you around always. My love for you shall never die, for mine you are, and yours i am.

bang!! bang!!

2009-03-25T07:08:00.000-07:00

i do not mean the Femi Kuti song "bang bang" i mean i want to hit my head on the wall like 'BANG BANG" coz thats how i feel at this particular moment. as i try to drain away my screaming mood with some hip hop, i can't help but scream on the inside. am asked why i take life seriously and i wonder why not...coz they say "it aint a joke!!....ha ha ha do you see me laughing????

damn it if these profiles ain't done by the end of this week...i'mma just as well give up...but my mother woould kill me for giving up, yet my father would ask....woman did i take you through school to end up a COWARD???is that aaahhhhh....wow dang am blank.....

even far across the sea....i can hear black coffee calling me....baby come back to me!!Am on my way we have some good times....come to mummy...cant wait for our date!!!

WAPI forum

2009-03-24T06:22:00.000-07:00

WAPI forum which took place this past saturday was crazy as usual The theme of this month was 'unsung heroes'; where we gave respect to both the living and the dead people who we view as our heroes. Dedan Kimathi, one of the Kenyan freedom fighters whose fight went unnoticed to the government, but is celebrated by any 'common mwananchi' was a topic during the urban cafe chat. it is sad how we have let the freedom fighters fight go down the drain. it makes me even more sad to see the kind of lives their families are living after they fought and shed their blood for our freedom.

the rap battle was as usual the best part of the show when all the CATs battle to see who's the illest. the Cypher Session led by Point Blank, crazy and ill with CATs like Octopizzo joining him on stage to do what they do best.

today i give my R.E.S.P.E.C.T to all that shed blood; dedan kimathi, gitu wa kahengeri, gildad kagia and the many more that we do not hear or know about. also i give my respect to mekatilili wa menza for her fight and being a woman she did us proud.

next WAPI is on 18th April, 2009 and the theme is Renaissance.

today

2009-03-16T03:39:00.000-07:00

i may say that today is the first day of the rest of my life.....hallooo say wot?????
yea tell me about it...it's a monday and am thinking of starting over, something i say day in day out, today i hope its to happen....am so hungry...damn this work place of mine, can't they just buy a microwave we be carrying food and just heat it during lunch hour?!?it is not that expensive, but trust my boss to CARE!!!

i want a screaming room.....SREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!am about to curse and considering it's fasting period i cannot...so i scream instead, b'cause i feel like am dying bit by bit yet no one's there to tell how i exactly feel b'coz i don't think anyone will understand...who ever does?????

damn today!!!!

ok can it be over i go have lunch in town!!

almost.................

2009-03-12T01:36:00.001-07:00

wow i have been away for a while.....nope it was no holiday just out of it.

am back without much just smiling and happy....the happiest i have been in a while. at times i think my life has come to a standstill and there's no movement and this usually frustrates me. today, my thoughts changed after i realised am working in a place that has a vision, but a failing one. finally it hit me, my time here is almost up, just need to get everything in order and walk away, not because am weak, but because that's the best thing to do.

i have realised that the power of the mind is very strong....your body can give in to what your mind believes. i got sick yesterday and i could do was throw up anytime i had something to eat.....i have a very sensitive stomach....but it got to a point where i told myself that i refuse to throw up again and i haven't since.

life seems to be getting back to normal for me, the universe is getting to balance again. i realise now that in due time, i shall get mine....just got to believe and keep the hope......

at the end of the day......

2009-03-02T21:45:00.000-08:00

at the end of the day....

Am i content with my life?

The choices i made, can i live with the consequences?

Have i learned something that will help me get through tomorrow?

Did i fill a part of my life that feels empty?

At the end of the day...
did i become a better person
than i was yesterday??

new dawn!

2009-03-01T22:20:00.000-08:00

in all my years, my Mondays have always been so bad. Today, i woke up smiling with a new realisation. I don't know why i feel so good, but am not questioning it, but savoring evry moment.....it's not everyday i get such a monday.

i had a superb weekend. Friends visited all through and there is always a blessing chatting with the girls. I always learn something new from them. i cannot complain but feel blessed. I also did get a new haircut....making me feel even better....i've always heard it brings out a good feeling within you, but din't think it would to me. Am happy with the new hair-do.

i smell coffee....and i realise my life has not been lived the way it should. Now i am about to live it and let no one live it for me....i love my life, but lately i have neglected it...it's time i get back to loving me and putting me first.....

not much to say!

2009-02-27T01:29:00.000-08:00

well, today i have not much to say!
why, did you ask? am having a laid back day and the universe seems to be getting back its balance again.

Am listening to rock music as i work....damn it's been a while.

oohh yea almost forgot....i'm taking a sabbatical for the next 40 days....CURSING!!it's gotten so bad that a girlfriend of mine started complaining. i hope i can keep it...it's so hard, but i choose to believe i shall make it so long as i stay in control.

today i just leave you with this song....'True Colours' by Fredro Starr feat. Jill Scott..that's a deep song.

enjoy the weekend, but don't drink and drive.

heeee...not just another day

2009-02-25T22:14:00.000-08:00

i woke up feeling low, so i decided to colour my life for the day. I told God today am not going to paint my life with blue, but with different bright colours...i needed to feel good badly....so i wore a skirt and did everything different, from using a different direction to get to work, to listening to rock which i have not listened to for a while as well as styling my hair differently. i was determined to feel good and i still am.

That's not just my morning....my girlfriends and i board a matatu. Somewhere during our "long" journey a pregnant woman boards also. We can see she is almost having her baby, i panic. I almost got out of the matatu (haa trust me not to run when stuff gets crazy). We din't see anyone with her, so we thought she was alone. The woman starts panting with pain, breathing in and out. It got so bad that all she could do was pat herself or just hit the matatu's roof. Later we asked who she was with. All along her hubby was in the matatu, but less concerned. Halloooooooooooooo,isn't this your woman and din't you do this to her????? what the...? you don't even show concern???? I'm speechless at the audacity of men.
We had to rush her to the nearest hospital, after the rest of the passengers complained, mind you the hubby still acting like he ain't even there.

I learn lessons everyday life throws them at me....but today's was a major one...take care of yourself because even the ones you love won't always love you the way you love you....does that make sense???i so hope so....ain't nobody gon' love you like you do.

i am about to have a different coloured day, why don't you do the same as well...it's gon' be a LOVELY day...

mad & furious

2009-02-24T21:39:00.000-08:00

If i had blogged yesterday, honestly God would have been mad at me and penalised me.The entry would have been curses, curses and more curses. To say that i was angry, will be an understatement. I was furious, flames blowing out of my nostrils and ears.

Very few people get me that mad, meaning i deeply care. the people i have no connection with never get to my nerves like that. I went home my mind racing and with like over 100 thoughts all at the same time. By the time i got home, all i wanted is to crawl into my bed and just sleep. When am that furious, i avoid people because regrettable things might be said. Usually, i just want me and my thoughts to myself, take time to cool and then reappear.

As i write am much better because i took the time to figure out things. Am also drained because of all the energy used to figure out stuff and i din't want to start my day sad. It's a new day, so i let yesterday be, deal with it and move on. I hope the universe is balanced once again.

today...today!!

2009-02-23T22:30:00.000-08:00

I thought of a title for today's blog and all i could come up with is 'today..today!'.I think it's a good one though because my morning only is today's. 'Morrow will not be the same and i will talk of today as my past.

It has been a good morning. Yester night it rained and thank God for that. Blessings upon y'all. I have been awake since 3am trying to write an article i needed to hand over today. a buddy of mine just commented on that, telling me how i should have been a bat, because i function well when the rest are asleep. i love the early mornings. the world is so quiet one hears the crickets and also the birds as they start to rhyme. There is a lot of thinking that goes on in my mind at that particular time.

Anyways, that's not what i wanted to blog about. Actually, am not really sure what to write. i have had a good morning and we had drama as i came to work. The cops arrested our makanga for lack of uniform. As if that was not enough they tried to get the driver as well, not once, but thrice. We all got to town late, because we had to make all these stops.....the matatu industry is just but doomed.

Am sad though because one of my girlfriend's mum was taken to the hospital at 4am in the morning. We haven't heard from her brother yet, but i hope it's nothing serious.

Other than that, its a sunshiny morning...it's gon' be a brighter day after all.

have a sunshiny one everyone

that PoeM!!

2009-02-23T05:55:00.000-08:00

i used to have that poem,

which had rhymes, that blew my mind
words that were intertwined
the groove was just might
and the mood just right
words the flowed down my spine
and left my body maimed

i used to have that poem

that shook my world
unbalanced my universe
boggled my mind
and made me fight
the injustices of the world

i used to have that poem

that made me love right
give in during fights
forgetting my own rights
and left me drained twice

i used to have that poem

that took my heart
and made me cry
that unfolded my mind
and made me find
ME

i used to have that poem,

but i don't anymore...

Elevate yourself....

2009-02-20T22:25:00.000-08:00

Today I want to dedicate my blog to all the women out there. It’s ELEVATION day women.

It is sad how we do not live our lives to the fullest. We have dedicated our time and life to loving the men and forgotten to live our dreams. It’s also sad because I will say this has been passed from generation to generation. Our grandmothers lived for our grandfathers, our mothers for our fathers and now we living for our husbands or boyfriends. Sure back in the day, women were told that their place is in the kitchen and to tender to their family needs, but who tends to your needs???

Times have changed and women are more educated than back then, but what do we do with the education our parents have struggled so hard to make sure we get?? We give it up and take care of a man and his babies....I got nothing against marriage or babies(aaa don't get me wrong). Who says we cannot change the course of the river, go our own direction and not that of our grandmothers or our mothers? Who says we cannot start our own tradition?

I just wish that women would wake up, smell the coffee, figure out what they want to do with their lives. LIVE YOUR DREAMS to the fullest. Be who you wanna be, because that’s all you got in this life. It’s up to us to make our story which should be told once we are gone. Question is what is your story gon’ be? Love sure, but live, have a balanced life because no man is an island.

Elevate yourselves and your minds or should I say lives……..

Peace y’all

am tho thad!!

2009-02-19T22:46:00.000-08:00

I should be happy that today is a friday...finally the week ends, ain't i ecstatic. However, am sad coz it's D's last day with me, though she will be here on Monday. She has to go back to school and we cannot stop her from that...remember what they say.."education is the key to your future"...yea right!!!

I wanna cry but my tear just ran our the door, "hey tear come back", i shout but it out-runs me...damn these burgers and fries i keep eating, my calories just hit rock high and now all i can do is heavy breathing...hhuuhhh!!i should hola at Jelimo and see if i can get some running classes...am i so outta shape???damn

It's been good though, having her around, she my crazy twin...nothing more to say than that, but wish her some good times at school. go study hard chica, but party harder and go crazier....like you would say...Woosah!!

what the?????

2009-02-18T22:22:00.000-08:00

I don't even know where to start today. my mornings have not changed their mood...i want this week to be over like yesterday.

The Ruto's censure motion; the fact that he walked away clean pisses me off because we all know he stole that maize and poor Kenyans are dying of hunger and nobody even cares. He had the audacity to say how glad he is that it all went well and that he has nothing to hide....how dumb does he think we are?????????

Then there is the matatu industry. We need Michuki back in that ministry because the man (what's his name again?) we have there is just sitting on his ass and doing nothing and yet at the end of the month we pay him loads.What for??? it's mayhem out there, i don't even know where to start and how to explain it because the frustrations are just too many......

I cannot wait for coffee to start my morning...oohh how i almost worship it...but God would get so jealous and beat me up so i decide to just love it instead. Am feeling poetic though, so today i just might write down one.....lemmi look for inspiration because he just walked out the door sometime ago and said he would be back, but he hasn't, so now i am in search of him, if u see him tell him am looking for him...hola!!!!

peace y'all

odd mornings!!!

2009-02-17T21:55:00.000-08:00

Should i apologise for yesterday???i don't know....i could use the same old story 'am just human', but that's so cliche.Well, i had to vent out anyways and am glad i did.

As i was going home some dude starts some small talk and i tell God...just shoot me coz am not about to have some weird small talk with nobody regardless of their gender. I was in no mood of talking to anybody, but i must confess once i just let go, we had a good conversation. It tells you that at times don't judge a book by its cover, got through its pages you might learn a thing or two. still it does not mean i talk to strangers....i have had some crazy ordeals...b'lieve me.

So today i wake up at 3 feeling so ambitious ati am to finish up on some work and shock on me...hakuna lights!?!just went back to bed.

Still not all that of a morning, but hoping the day might turn out better....when is this week over????

just another day...............

2009-02-17T07:03:00.000-08:00

Whoa...the day finally comes to an end, but am still in the office. It has been not a crazy day, but a long frustrating one. I usually take coffee to calm my nerves, but that din't seem to help today. D tried to cheer me up with candy, but nothing. I'm like what the f***?(excuse my french)....rarely do i curse.

I so want to scream...but since am in the office i cannot so i have to wait until i get home.

There is more to life than this..isn't there? Doing the same thing everyday, it becomes a boring routine. Where is the thrill of waking up and not knowing what the day ahead holds? am just tired of them profiles....like really tired.
I need to go figure out what to do coz if it goes on like this, i will so run and nobody will find me.

Today i just wanna chill, have a cup of green tea and sleep heavily.....that ain't too much to ask for now is it?????

damn today!

2009-02-16T23:55:00.000-08:00

bloody hell!!!!!!! it's still morning and am so bored....what happened to the ambition and the inspiration i thought would show up today?and what's up with this damn profiles we keep updating??they are beginning to drive me crazy....can we just do something else totally new and exciting?like halloooooooo there's more to this than bloody profiles....isn't there?D wea u @?

monday...just monday..

2009-02-16T05:37:00.000-08:00

Leo sucks...man cannot wait for the day to be over even though it already is. Am still at work and have done so little....monday blues catching up yet it's almost tuesday....wierd huh!!

D and i had to go get lunch for everyone justlike last time; we done being little Miss Charities....ain't funny coz it's like traveling all the way to Coast and back and it's just to get lunch....who does that unless you starving crazy? Now we have all these profiles we got to go thru' and give the boss the update and they driving me crazy....SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMM!!can we just go home...is the day over yet??

yipee

2009-02-12T21:49:00.000-08:00

Am back after my blog went crazy on me i could not blog......

It's a great morning, i consider myself blessed. I cannot help feeling good today morning, however cold it is. It's also a friday, so that means no work tomorrow, thus i can sleep in. Am just dancing in my head and heart and love is flowing all over my body. i woke up dancing, my brother started complaining. Now just about to jam to some neo-soul, it's been a good week, hopefully the weekend will not be a disappointment.

Am not a fan of valentines, but guess it would not hurt to wish everyone else a good one....so here goes.....Happy Valentines people....phew!!! am sure glad that's over...took all my energy to say that.....

i'mma go recover the lost energy....

unsatisfied

2009-02-11T22:02:00.001-08:00

It is said that one should not question the universe all the time. Well, today i will defy the rule and question it. Most of the times i let things be, but today i feel unsatisfied. My day has ended with questions, as i try to understand my world today. The unanswered questions are making me itch with curiosity. I want to know and my curiosity got me on the edge.

Someone told me that today would be a significant day in my life; i keep wondering what it is that i missed, what it is that i ignored or just i let go......i do not have the answers,so i sleep with questions that the universe should have answered, but it didn't.

Tomorrow, i shall wake up (Inshallah) and ask again, but it will be too late because it will be another day and today, will be the past that should be forgotten and left behind.

In a way guess i will never know, but maybe the answers have been kept for another day...only time will tell.

rain

2009-02-10T05:37:00.000-08:00

rain down on me....song by SWV

It just ran through my mind after the rain that poured today in the morning. I have always believed that rain is a blessing and every drop contains a lot of messages that we may never understand, but all God wants us to do is receive the blessings, accept them and ask no questions.

Like a small child, sometimes I play on the rain just to feel it pouring, the heavenly smell that's so subliminal.

Today i woke up feeling blessed and it rained on me. I cannot complain, but be happy that the day was owe some and beautiful. i just take it as it was and savor every single moment with the sound of rain as my music.....heaven could not be better than this.....

it's over

2009-02-09T06:12:00.000-08:00

finally, the day is over;i couldn't be more happier today. i have always hated Mondays, but today took its toll and all i could do in the morning was curse....as much as i hate doing that. Now that it's come to an end, i hope that in the future, i can look back to this day and hopefully laugh.
just another day, thank God it's gone by...

just a passing cloud

2009-02-08T06:35:00.000-08:00

As human beings, we complicate the simple life that God has given us. We take the small problems and make then so big that they end up looking big. Most of the times, they are not as big as they seem. My take is this;life's like a book...one is writing a story of their life...every season could be a chapter...by season i mean anything that happens in your life, could be a challenge, something positive; all i know is that, it's always a passing cloud, that's going to pass and then another season is going to come....all that matters is how you deal with the issues and what you learn from them. At times throw caution to the wind, and go with the flow....

just a passing cloud......

confusion in the mind

2009-02-05T21:52:00.000-08:00

wow...a long night it has been. You know when you get the feeling that there is something you are supposed to figure out....Aha...there that's it...don't you want to just thump the ground, hit the wall or bang your head somewhere just to get a clue?i have been going through this since last evening and it's driving me crazy. My mind is running at around 180km/sec and it's all over the place and i can't even think of one thing at a time. this leaves me with a headache and i want to so run away, but mother nature will still follow me there till i figure out what is wrong. i just want it over so i can have my peace of mind back.
the universe sent me to a world of confusion....i don't know how long i'll be there for....

A large day!

2009-02-05T05:52:00.000-08:00

The end of today has come, a windy but not cold evening it shall be. As i go home, i will ponder on the days happenings, wonder what to make for supper and get home tired. Like yesterday, i shall sit at my computer and compile my other report yet to be handed in. By the time i am done, all i will want is the comfort of my bed...just the warmth and feel of my tiredness wear off.

However, i shall enjoy the music i got from a friend of mine....all mellow, it makes me want to dance, but i have to be careful because i am in a public office. In my head, i dance and get lost in my own world, where it's just me, myself and i and nothing else matters but the love of life and the ones who surround me, the warmth and comfort of that love.

The day did not rush, but took its time to end...i will not call it long, but large.
goodnyte everyone

2009-02-04T09:56:00.000-08:00

Today has been heck of a day. i woke up so confused and hoped it would end up a better day than it started......in a way, it has, but am still not sure. am so tired, but still have a lot to do before i get some sleep. it's about 9pm and am just about to compile some research to be handed in 'morrow.
however, am all composed as i listen to James Brown.....
as i listen i ponder about an argument that just happened between my brother and I:
the world will always be held by women, yet men complain we are taking over. they are not able to hold things together and work as women do....that we can go to work and come home and make supper, bathe the kids and put them to bed and not complain. men wear out faster than women and it's sad because the society still views men as more stronger and better than women...yet they prove this wrong....

release therapy

2009-01-27T21:34:00.000-08:00

ever realised how it feels relieving when you let out something that's bothering you????
i sigh with every bit of my breath when i don't hold on to things and just let go. it creates space for the rest of the stuff that i want to do. release therapy they call it....let out, let go.....at times very hard , but what's the need of going thru' stressful moments when you can have a way out....you can join a gym, write down your feelings, sing a song or dance to your favourite song. Just don't let ulcers get you.........................
today, take a deep breath n sigh out all your troubles, the things that you feel bother you or the feelings you want known

Luvtide

2009-01-25T21:55:00.000-08:00

i loved a dead man,
thinking it was someone
always singing a sad song,
but in my mind,
'twaz a love song
every love blow
i confused to be love flow
low-rated communication
over-rated 'I Love You's'
caused agitation, separation
swept by a love tide,

i died

like my dead man.

realisation

2009-01-25T21:36:00.000-08:00

Yesterday at church, the preacher said something that dint quite really hit me till today morning.

He said that anybody who is dating or married should live as though that other person is not in your life...."detach yourself from the worldly things", he said. I wondered if that can be possible.

I woke up thinking about it. It came to my realization that men whether in a relationship or not, nothing changes in their lives; they live the same way they always have, go after their dreams. Women however, regard it differently. The minute a woman is in a relationship, she changes everything; from the way she thinks to the things she does. She gives up her life and dreams and thinks of 'us' instead of 'i'. She will change her plans and always include her new boyfriend. On the other hand, the man will still hang out with the boys and go for football matches.

Women start flipping because they are not getting any attention which leads to friction and finally, break-up. That's why women tend to be affected when a relationship is over because she gives it her all, but men give halfway.

Maybe it's time women started viewing relationships the same way as men. It is possible to do so. Live one's life whether in a relationship or not. Follow your dreams and not regret later.

just my opinion

it's a new year

2009-01-23T04:35:00.001-08:00

wow, it's a friday today....january almost thru'. the year began on a good note ain't sure what the year holds for me but i b'lieve it's blessed. i finally am settled down in my own way, but that does not mean the society way(getting married)..no..just trying to live and now complain, taking every blessing as it comes my way hoping i will not fail to recognize it and be greatful. i hope y'all doing great...just open your eyes of your heart thats the only way to understand whats going on around us.
finally be your own person....love who you are and if you trip and fall, rise up again and do not despair for i believe we are a purpose, otherwise we wud b dead.

happy new year, 2009

2008-04-03T02:04:00.001-07:00

thought of today

"What does it profit a man/woman to lose his/her soul

and gain wordly possessions?"

happy new year 2008

2008-01-09T01:11:00.000-08:00

well i would have said happy new at the beginning of the year but it's never too late is it?we just had elections late last year and the outcome was war. in all my years i have seen our country take refugees from around east and central africa due to war but never did i imagine we would also be refugees in our own country just because we cannot learn to love and live with one another. one wonders where the hatred comes from and it just starts with a simple word or comment or deed that ends up taking innocent lives. my country just saw that happen and for the first time i smelt war not heard of it and i must say its not funny its scary. at one point i knew soon it might get to where i live so i started pondering what the next move would be if it were to happen and i came up with nothing because even travelling was and would have benn an issue.so today i pray for my country and every other country that is at war because one knows not when all hell breaks loose and people slash each other like animals.
Can we have a moment of silence for all the lives lost so far hoping no more will be lost.

God rest their souls in peace!

2007-12-06T20:51:00.000-08:00

I was watching ‘one tree hill’ yesterday and it kind of got me thinking as usual. It’s the 3rd season where Keith gets shot and how they are all trying to cope with it. I remembered when a girlfriend of mine died of cancer back in 2004 and how it was hard to even think about it. She was supposed to be my valentines that year. We actually buried her on 13th February a day before Valentines Day, but God had other plans. I remember that week after I found out she had passed away I was in a way angry because she had died and not said goodbye and a week earlier she had just been discharged from the hospital after a whole month of radiotherapy after chemo failed. I guess I hadn’t seen it coming, yet at the back of my head I still wanted to believe that she was going to be ok.The cancer had already spread and she got to a point where life wasn’t much of a meaning and there was too much pain. She had a way of hiding it though yet she faced it all with so much courage. After she died I went to their home and her mother asked me not to leave before we talk. To my surprise, my girlfriend had left me a prayer book……she knew she was dying and I got angry….i think I felt that I could have done more than I did , but now I realize there wasn’t much I could have done than just be a friend. I mourned her death for a long time, but today I don’t, I celebrate her life and the courage she had to go through all she did…..a part of me is glad because she now can rest, the pain was getting too much. My point is that share the much or little you have with your loved ones, don’t ever be afraid to love, life’s too short to be mean towards people, but let your feelings be known.
It reminds me of a song done/sang by Sade from her album ‘loverslive’ which goes “I cherish the day I won’t go astray, I won’t be afraid, you won’t catch me running”
Just a thought for today.
God bless

hallo

2007-09-04T22:26:00.000-07:00

you know what people many of you put themselves down just by using two words only "i cant" and the moment you get used to saying these two words your mind starts believing it such that you cannot do anything you want...my challenge to all of you today is start your day by saying "i can" to anything you put your mind to because we can do whatever we want to do and also be who we want to be if only we believed in ourselves. I believe am a PURPOSE and there's much for me to do before my time is up so what do you believe????????????

Good morning
have a nice day y'all

wsup

2007-08-14T22:32:00.000-07:00

The other day I was told how I have neglected my blog and I felt bad coz its my baby I created it and am supposed to see to it that I sustain it and help it grow: I know I make it sound alive but in real sense it almost is because like I said its my creation more like a mother and her baby; which mother would sit back and watch her baby suffer or die just because they neglected to help the child grow into a respectable person? When I was thinking about all this I thought of how we start things/stuff and don’t finish them we just leave it all hanging…..how sad????then I thought of how as human beings we tend to be lazy and blame it on any stupid or lame excuse that we can come up with like how I have no inspiration how am busy I can’t juggle all of or how my schedule is so tight I cant fit it all in anything that we can come up with that would confuse a human mind while we try to make it make sense and believe it…..i still say sad..huh…how about them resolutions that we make at the beginning of every year???How many of you have achieved them at the end of the year??e.g this year we’ve already had the first half of it have you accomplished yours??If you have congratulations! if you’ve gone halfway keep the fire burning you still have few months left….if you haven’t started what are you waiting for and what is your excuse????I wonder...like I said human beings enjoy being lazy coz its an excuse not to think or go through the everyday challenges so we sit back relax and say we taking a break…think about it am sure I make sense just decide to take charge and start with all my pending works that I know I need to finish what about you????Hola

Who are YOU?

2007-07-02T03:19:00.000-07:00

are you a person
are you an animal
or just an object
a dead man walking
or a person full of life
feeling free as a bird
or scared of your own shadow?

are you a human being
with feelings or humanity
deep within your soul
or are you as cold as ice
do you care about anybody
other than yourself
or do you put others first?

are you a shining STAR
a dime that's discovered everyday
or are you in darkness
feeling like ain' no light
in your life
do you hate or love
the person that you are?

do you wake up and feel blessed
or do you wake up and wonder why
does the sun rise
bring a smile on your face
or does it bring a frown
are you glad to be ALIVE
ao do you wish you were dead?

what do you believe in
what do you stand for
do other peoples' opinion affect you
do you care what other people think
about you
when you ask yourself
"Who Am I?"
do you come up with an answer
or does your mind become blank?

ask yourself who you are and if you dont know it dont mean you lost it just means you have to go deeper to find out coz we all have the answers deep within us so long as we reach out for them and are willing to try.

Shake 'em haterz off!

2007-05-06T04:31:00.000-07:00

This was an email forwarded to me by a frined of mine thought i share it with y'all

ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE
*SHAKE THEM HATERS OFF!
A hater is someone that is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall.
They are very negative people.Nothing is ever good enough!
When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters...That's why you have to be careful who you share your blessings and your dreams with because some folk can't handle seeing you blessed...It's dangerous to be like somebody else... If God wanted you to be like somebody else. He would have given you what He gave them.You don't know what people have gone through to get what they have...The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don'tknow my story...
If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too.We've all got some haters among us:
Some people don't like it that you can:
* Have a relationship with God
* Light up a room when you walk in
* Start your own business
* Tell a man/woman to get lost (if he/she ain't about the right thing)
* Raise children without both parents being around
* And not ask for a dime from Anyone
* Haters don't want to see you happy
* Haters don't want to see you succeed
* Haters don't want you to get the victory
Most of our haters are people that are supposed to be on our side.
How do you handle the haters who you at least expect to have your guard up against?
You can handle your haters by:
1. *Knowing who you are & who your true friends are
(VERY IMPORTANT!!)
2. *Having a purpose to your life
3. *By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation.
*Purpose does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled. A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be.Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you. Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live................when its your time to leave this earth, you want to be able to say, "I've lived my life and fulfilled my dreams, .........I'm ready to go HOME! When God gives you a favor, you can tell your haters,
"Don't look at me...Look at who is in charge of me...

Phenomenal Woman

2007-05-02T12:09:00.000-07:00

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies

I'm not cute or built to suit a model's fashion size

But when I start to tell them

They think I'm telling lies.

I say

It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips

The stride of my steps

The curl of my lips.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That's me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please

And to a man

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees

Then they swarm around me

A hive of honey bees.

I say

It's the fire in my eyes

And the flash of my teeth

The swing of my waist

And the joy in my feet.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That's me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me

They try so much

But they can't touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them

They say they still can't see.

I say

It's in the arch of my back

The sun of my smile

The ride of my breasts

The grace of my style.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That's me.

Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.

I say

It's in the click of my heels

The bend of my hair

The palm of my hand

The need for my care.

'Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That's me.

By Dr. Maya Angelou....she's one of my inspirations

No Ordinary Day

2007-04-27T01:30:00.000-07:00

Today
i woke up
feeling
its no ordinary day
feeling
am extraordinary

realised
i can
see the sun rise
hear the birds rhyming
smell the fresh morning dew
touch the wet leaves
walk on God's given earth

wonderful...mmhh i thought
beautiful..oohh i felt

am ALIVE
it sure must be

no ordinary day

the 'N' word

2007-04-25T00:49:00.000-07:00

i was watching the movie 'Beauty Shop' with a white 11yr old boy and in this movie they use the 'N' word and this kid asked me why we black people are ok when we call each other 'nigga' and when somebody from another race calls us we flip and go ballistic and guess what i didn't have the answer to that question. It got me to thinking why we seriously do and i felt for our race because we seriously still use that name and we hate it when others call us so..and dont you think that means that all those that fought for us to have equal rights and the rest to stop calling us that word fought for nothing..meaning Dr. Martin Luther King died for no reason,the woman on the bus should have stood up, those four girls that died after the bomb went off at the church died for no reason, the one million men march plus bloody sunday was for nothing??? My opinion is we kill these people again each time we use that word we saying they dint fight for any reason they died for no cause. We say it was ok for our fore fathers to be slaves and taken away from home and made to work in the worst conditions a human being could bear...what do you think they would say if the rose up today??? tell me..feel free to say how you feel coz thats what i feel and you know what answer i gave to that kid...i told him if he ever calls me that i'mma so whoop his ass..aint that sad??
have a nice day y'all

Blog Virgil

2007-04-18T23:40:00.000-07:00

My heart goes out to all the families and friends of the people that died on Monday 16th April, 2007 at Virginia Tech. It is such a sad story that all the beautiful lives were ended that day, and its even sad because the families are never going to get the answers as to why Cho did it because he shot himself too...also my heart goes to cho's family because its a torment to them because they'll never know why or how he could have done it he never stuck around to anser all the questions everybody is asking themselves...but i hope that as everybody mourns we dont forget to celebrate the beautiful lives that each had lived for it was a blessing to have them in our lives......God bless y'all

''As days come and night falls,
for the rest of our days
we gonna miss y'all
and even though life must go on
we still mourn
while we wish y'all were home''................Nas

Music

2007-04-14T05:24:00.000-07:00

i haven't done this before only with my friends do i analyse music but today i though i put it on my blog so here goes...i got the latest India.Arie's album..dont ask me why i dint last year b'cause i dont have an answer for that guess i was not thinking right huh!....its called 'Testimony:Vol.1 Life & Relationship'...and it's a must have if u ask me...y?
for anyone who is into neo-soul or anyone going through metarmophosis of changing or trying to love themselves....so now i analyse it.
She starts with 'Intro' where she sings 'grant me the serenity to accept the things that i cannot change, the courage to change the things that i can,the wisdom to know the difference and God give me the courage to love with an open heart'..then 'These Eyes' its acoustic in its own way,then comes 'The Heart Of The Matter' and 'Good Morning' and 'Private Party' is among my best b'cause she talks about how to love oneself whether your are alone or with people around you..just finding that joy within yourself then follows 'There's Hope' its a beautiful song..it's all about your perception...she says..it doesnt cost a thing to smile, you dont have to pay to laugh...'Interlude'..she wants to live then
'India's Song' and 'Wings of Forgiveness' i love where she says we are only human, we can learn to forgive and shake free the gravity of resentment then 'Summer' and the one that gets lots of airplay 'I am Not my Hair' she feats. Akon ,its what is deep within me that makes me the human being that i am,'Great Grandmother' and 'Better People' she mixes it very well with some cute beats ,she says we could have interactions that would make us better people..young and old people together, dont be afraid to try something new,follows 'Outro'-Learning;highest expression of love is to give without xpecting,is to accept without exception, then 'I Choose'...you have the opportunity to choose who you want to be it doesn' matter where you are from.....now if i told you about each and every song in details you might not get it so if you can its a good cd to have in your collection..if you've listened to it or you will get it feel free to tell me what you think about it..am open to all critics and comments...i say its one of her best works ever!

Perfection vs. Cindarella notion

2007-04-12T09:25:00.000-07:00

a friend of mine and i were having an argument the other day about the whole idea of Mr./Mrs. Right.....i asked him if he had found one and he told me how he's still looking for one. I told him i dont believe in that because cindarella notion created that whole idea and that is peoples' perception of perfection and there's nothing perfect. He told me that if one looked hard enough they will find their Mr./Mrs. Right but personally i dont agree with it because even the ones we think are "perfect" for us aint we just overlook those imperfections in them just to make it feel right but then again this is just my opinion so feel free to drop your thoughts about it because my friend and i didn't really come to a conclusion.

I Love My Life

2007-04-12T09:02:00.000-07:00

i have grown up hating(i could use that word)my own life and somewhere i realised i had to change because i couldn' even let people close i had this wall created that not many brought it down but when they did they always hurt me so it became an issue and i had to stop and start just letting go of things and love me....i always believed that crying is a weakness and especially being a female that was wierd because women are known to cry anytime any place but i never did...i have grown up mostly like men do hardened by life at a young age where you mature before your time/age and learning how sad n unhappy life can be at times...but last year i got a chance to come to germany and in my heart it felt like a new start and i knew i was being given a chance..i have a friend who i hold close and i wrote him a letter to eplain why i needed to leave home...i told him i have always felt like a failure and i needed that to change that i had to fall in love with my own life and just incase someone asked me who i was i would have an answer..he got mad at me for leaving but we cool..now life here in germany hasnt been a cup of coffee but i cant complain....11 months later i sit here writing my blog sharing my life with the world but i am not the same person anymore...i have been through it all; pain, laughter and it can get a bit lonely without family around since they all each at different places but i have learnt to be a better person, a stronger one and at last i love who i have become and i love my life, i can love and let be loved knowing that even love can hurt but then again isnt that the way we appreciate love? i must say it has been a long journey but i look at it and i regret nothing because now i can laugh even when in pain because i know that makes me a better person if i chose to let all the experiences of life be my teacher.......i am a girl, a woman, a lady, a sister, a niece, a daughter, an aunt, a lover, a friend and someday maybe i'll be a wife, a mother, a grandmother but i am now proud of myself and couldnt be much happier.My time here in germany is almost up but am glad because i have accomplished what i wanted and i can now say I Love My Life and i fall in love with it everday.

2007-04-01T02:51:00.000-07:00

Today is filled with anger
fuelled with hidden hatred
scared of being outcast
afraid of common fate;
Today is built on tragedies
which no one wants to face
nightmares to humanities
and morally disgraced,
Tonight is filled with rage
violence in the air
children bred with ruthlesness
because no one at home cares
Tonight i lay my head down
but the pressure never stops
gnawing at my sanity
content when i am dropped,
but tomorrow i see change
a chance to build a new
built on spirit, intent of heart
and ideals based on truth
and tomorrow i wake with second wind
and strong because of pride
to know i fought with all my heart to keep my dream
Alive

by
Tupac Shakur

2007-03-31T13:03:00.000-07:00

Everyday, as soon as you get up, you can develop a sincere positive motivation, thinking, 'I will utilise this day in a more positive way. I should not waste this very day.' And then, at night before bed, check what you've done, asking yourself, 'Did I utilise this day as I planned?'

by
HH Dalai Lama

only down for a moment!

2007-03-24T11:16:00.001-07:00

faith i still have
light at the end of the tunnel
i still strain to see
yet in my heart i still Believe
that;
my life itself is a PURPOSE
my cloud has a SILVER lining
and i RISE again
coz am only down for a moment!

my future seems blurred
but i hold on to everyday
learning from experiences
knowing they are preparing me for it(future)
i take what i can
dismiss what i feel cannot help me
and my HOPE lights up
and i RISE again
coz am only down for a moment!

hopeless, my life seems
helpless, my heart feels
lost, my mind is
i try to find my direction
knowing;
"where there is a will,
there is a way"
and i RISE again
coz am only down for a moment!

we all need to alway b'lieve in ourselves, that's the only way to be strong, don't ever let people put you down, we all STRONG and dont forget the LORD you worship.
trully me

wierd stuff about me.......

2007-03-24T10:49:00.000-07:00

1. i have a passion for nature.....from climbing trees to trying out some of jackie chan's moves...yet there's that peacefulness from the birds rhyming n the trees swaying...a girlfriend of mine thinks am crazy but i find it owesome that i can still have the child in me and climb a tree

2. am clastrophobic...hate enclosed places to the point i prefer stairs to lifts

3. i hate heights yet i climb trees ...funny huh..but yea am thinking of bungee-jumping to overcome the fear yet to try it n fill the adrenaline rush

4. i dont really talk about stuff bothering me mostly i work it out yet when it comes to my friends i listen and always ask after them guess i have love for all..and the funny thing is they all come to me and share even when i dont go to them and tell them wsup with me

5. i never used to b'leive in love till i was 21 and it happened n now everyday i learn how to love not jst my family but the world around me

my black knight

2007-03-24T10:42:00.000-07:00

he's like an unfolding story
not yet discovered
but already being told
a history in the making
with rich anthropology
yet simple and calculated

just a word from him
sends me to my own world
world full of beautiful love
where dreams are warm
bringing a smile
even when life brings me down
and i feel no reason to smile

a beautiful surprise he is
his words; part of our love
a love made out of what we share
we share what we've been through
our hopes and dreams
to me he has given himself
fully, trully and freely
a blessing from above

he is
my Black Knight

confused

2007-03-24T10:34:00.000-07:00

my heart is weary
my body is weak
as my mind starts racing
running wild and confused
the room becomes darker
as the lights become dimmer
i find myself lost in a maze
i cant breath.....
am running out of strength
a small voice inside says;
"you can do it"
but; do i want to make it?????
i dont know
do i want to feel more pain????
am not sure
the only way to find out
is get out of the maze
think out of the box

Will i find the(my)answers??????????

life

2007-03-02T03:13:00.000-08:00

they say that life itself is a journey and somehow i have come to agree with it because over the last past one year i have been through things i never thought in my life i would go through and much i have come to learn; about how some situation actually i think all situations in life are just TEMPORARY because they are just passing through or we are the ones going/passing through them to be better people....so i wake up hit a wall then i think damn its a temporary situation and this wall has to go down because i know whats on the other side is a BETTER me which is what i want to achieve.At times life is going to hit us hard but the thing is do we just stay down where it puts us or do we take heart and try to get to the other side knowing we can do it because in real sense God can't let us go through something He knows we cannot handle....so everytime you come across that wall think"the Lord knows i can handle this, so i CAN" and He holds your hand: so face it, strive to be a better person because thats how we grow...and like they say "you will never shine if you dont grow"

hope

2006-12-29T00:25:00.000-08:00

in life we let all the things that happen to us bring us down...have any one of you ever been where you look at the negative side of life and you forget the positive one??i have i cannot lie and it kills one inside b'cause it takes away that shining light,the little faith one has and one stops b'lieving,loving and caring...one becomes like a dead man walking more of a zombie..well am actually at that point today and it doesnt really feel good b'cause i hate my life thus i hate me yet i know on the other hand am so blessed to have seen the day of today so i wonder what do i do??but then again i realise that it has to do with me am the one making my life miserable b'cause i have let the negative side outdo the positive side yet it should be the other way round but why???i think its b'cause when one is down it makes life easy b'cause all one can do is complain and whine but when you b'come positive you know you have to be busy making a good life for yourself that means work and as human biengs there are times that we dont want to tire and that's the problem so we create our own little obstacles that shouldnt b' there...today i have d'cided to let the positive overcome my negativities and am done with the whining and complaining am letting my candles lit again;peace, faith, love and hope..am done with letting those little obstacles block my way ahead and i b'leive i shall make it with the little hope i still have in me my peace candle will burn again bringing back some faith meaning i lit my faith candle again bringing back the love that i feel is far away from me and i can look at nature and see the love i have seen from it all through my life and with all the four candles it and my God with me by my side what more can a human being want???the question is are you willing to come back to life and stop being dead???????

Never give up HOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God is Love
Peace, Faith, Love, Hope

Secret Love

2006-10-19T08:45:00.001-07:00

he came into my life
but never let it in my mind
and friends we became
started spending time together
and he pleaded for a hug
realised we had alot in common
we loved the same music
had the same attitude towards life

but alas! was i wrong
wrong...
to think it can't happen to me

as days went by,
i realised my feelings
were growing deeper
just seing him
put a smile on my face
just talking to him
gladened my heart
and as we parted,
i would go through our conversation
play....replay
play....replay
and would feel so good i know him
i was falling in love
with a friend
happens only in movies
i told myself
so it can't happen to me
denied it for a while
but when i missed him
and called him
it calmed my heart

but alas! was i wrong
wrong...
to think it cant happen to me

now he finds out
am leaving home
and wants me not in his life
not anymore
hurt...like ain't been hurt before
pain...like a knife piercing my heart
and i lost control
but only he knows

so we hug goodbye
with a broken heart
teary eyes
and a secret
he can never know
with him i fell in love
but now out of love i must fall
only if i want to
but the pain is too much
if i let go
it means am forgetting the love
and if i hold on
it means i hurt more
so i decide to say
goodbye
my first step to healing
because thats all i can give
myself
to stop this pain
to be able to face everyday
and because i know
we can never be.

My Friend

2006-10-19T08:38:00.000-07:00

why do we have friends??

i thought they make our lives simpler
make it seem bearable
but my friend
she don't complement
she complicates
now....don't get me wrong
she gets on my nerves
most of the time
she's a know-it-all-mama
feeling
life is a bed of roses
thinking
no sweat, no fears but tears
when things go wrong
yet i still cut her some slack
now i wonder
what is this kind of friendship??

Life

2006-10-19T08:35:00.000-07:00

My heart is sad,
my spirits are low
and my mind.....ha! mind
my mind wonders
.....wonders about my life
wondering....did i do wrong??
thinking........whats my life all about??
feeling...........all alone
no one to talk to
no one to share it with
a life filled with sorrow
only happy for a moment
and thus i wonder
am i ever going
to be on Cloud 9
for more than one minute??

From Him

2006-10-01T12:17:00.000-07:00

From Him,
flows waters that never run dry

From Him,
forgiveness has no second thought

From Him,
comes perfection in Art and Music
Art that has no imperfection,
Art that is way beyond our imagination,
Music that is soothing to the soul,
Music that is food for the thought,

From Him,
we get a homely and warm feeling
rest to the searching and lost,
home to the homeless,
healing to the hurting,wounded and weak

From Him ,
comes a gift of the Holy Spirit
a guide to the lost
a light to our dark paths

all underneath His wings,
a Fatherly LOVE

From Him,
comes Everlasting and Unending
Pure Love

What more would one ask for
From Him?

My Good Lord Above

2006-10-01T12:10:00.000-07:00

My Lover,
My Friend,
My Tower of Strength,
My Pillar of Hope,
My Morning Sunshine,
giver of life,
forgiver of all sins and tranquilities
The solid Rock upon which i stand
My Comforter,
My everday Charmer,
that's the Man i LOVE
with all my heart and strength
He is my Maker,
My Heavenly Father
The Lord of all Lords
Mighty of the Mighty
His highness,
stands most top
high above the rest
He's like no other
His works out of the ordinary
way beyond the extra-ordinary
perfect and precise
an artist with a beautiful hand

now tell me why
you wouldn't want to know

My Man
My everyday Charmer,
My Creator,
My Maker
My Good Lord Above

His Kisses

2006-10-01T12:05:00.000-07:00

He lifts my face,
with both his hands
holds me so delicately
like if he let go
it would fall down and break
strokes my lower lip
with his left thumb
tenderly, softly
sending chills all over my body
then puts his lips on mine
takes his time
as he kisses me
lusciously, swiftly
and one can tell how deep
his love for me is

he tells it all with
his kisses.

2006-09-20T11:32:00.000-07:00

i was forwarded this CV as an email by a friend of mine so thought i share it wit y'all hope y'all get blessed.

Curriculum Vitaé

Name: JESUS CHRIST
Address: Ephesians 1:20
Phone: Romans 10:13
Website: Bible
Keywords: Christ, Lord, Savior and Jesus

My name is Jesus - The Christ. Many call me Lord! I've sent you my CV because I'm seeking the top management position in your heart. Feel free to read my details below.

Qualifications:

I founded the earth and established the heavens, (See Proverbs 3:19)
I formed man from the dust of the ground, (See Genesis 2:7)
I breathed into man the breath of life, (See Genesis 2:7)
I redeemed man from the curse of the law, (See Galatians 3:13)
The blessings of the Abrahamic Covenant comes upon your life through me,
(See Galatians 3:14)

Occupational
Background:

I've only had one employer, (See Luke 2:49).
I've never been tardy, absent, disobedient, slothful or disrespectful.
My employer has nothing but rave reviews for me, (See Matthew 3:15-17)

Skills and
Work Experiences:

Some of my skills and work experiences include: empowering the poor to be poor no more, healing the brokenhearted, setting the captives free, healing the sick, restoring sight to the blind and setting at liberty them that are bruised, (See Luke 4:18).
I am a Wonderful Counselor, (See Isaiah 9:6).
People who listen to me shall dwell safely and shall not fear evil, (See Proverbs 1:33).
Most importantly, I have the authority, ability and power to cleanse you of your sins, (See I John 1:7-9)

Educational
Background:

I encompass the entire breadth and length of knowledge, wisdom and understanding, (See Proverbs 2:6).
In me are hidden all of the treasures of wisdom and knowledge, (See Colossians 2:3).
My Word is so powerful; it has been described as being a lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path, (See Psalms 119:105).
I can even tell you all of the secrets of your heart, (See Psalms 44:21).

Major
Accomplishments:

I was an active participant in the greatest Summit Meeting of all times, (See Genesis 1:26).
I laid down my life so that you may live, (See II Corinthians 5:15).
I defeated the archenemy of God and mankind and made a show of them openly, (See Colossians 2:15).
I've miraculously fed the poor, healed the sick and raised the dead!
There are many more major accomplishments, too many to mention here. You can read them on my website, which is located at: www dot - the BIBLE. You don't need an Internet connection or computer to access it.

References:

Believers and followers worldwide will testify to my divine healings, salvation,
deliverance, miracles, restoration and supernatural guidance.

Summary:

Now that you've read My CV, I'm confident that I'm the only candidate uniquely
qualified to fill this vital position in your heart.

In summation, I will properly direct your paths, (See Proverbs 3:5-6),
and lead you into everlasting life, (See John 6:47).

When can I start? Time is of the essence, (See Hebrews 3:15).

2006-09-17T03:52:00.000-07:00

i read this somewhere thought i share with y'all.

"the greatest pleasure in life,

is doing what other

people say you cannot do."

happiness

2006-09-16T13:05:00.000-07:00

The will to be happy comes from within, loving who i am and not what i am/have; being greatful that i can talk, see, hear, smell, touch and walk.For this am really thankful and now that i gotta bed to lay my body on as well as my head and rest after eating; clothes to wear and beddings to cover myself: am eternally greatful to God because i may not have a bank account full of money but am rich :-i gots the basic needs and thats more than enough; i got friends maybe not so many but who mean lots to me as well as my family- so there's is Love surrounding me; not forgetting the most powerful one:-God's Love. So as i lay my head on my pillow i'll be greatful and thankful for the much thai i have and hope someone else gets to feel my vibe.

14th May 2006

2006-09-16T12:26:00.000-07:00

Is it so bad to have dreams???
I gots dreams which i hope to come true some day. I get so scared of dying before fulfilling them. I was once told that the difference between fantasy and dreams is that fantasies dont come true. Just thought today of how i hope to have a family of my own, couple of kids, teach them about God and His great love for us all then let them grow up to be who they want to be; how i want to share my life with someone and give all this love i gots to that special person.
With loving being so hard i can only wish that we can learn to love even those we think they ain't perfect coz in real sense nothing is perfect and we got no right to judge anyone whatsoever. Learn to let people be themselves without fear of being rejected or judged. Learn to accept our flaws and change what we can; learn to appreciate what we have and be thankful for it and above all make God part of our lives.
I sit here listening to some love songs.
So whats love all about??????? Personally i dont know but in a way am starting to believe in it. Don't know why but i know that even the birds can teach you about it, the nature itself has love. If you can't feel the love of the sun rising in the morning, the wind blowing and the trees swaying from side to side, the sound of rain as it pours down, then you don't know what Love is all about; the simple, little things of life like butterflies colouring the empty space between earth and sky then you do not know the joy of living.
Maybe if we could look at life from a different angle then maybe we would learn to appreciate it. Most of the times we dont have to look far because it surrounds us but we too blind to see it. It's time we opened our eyes and embraced our surroundings thus learn to LOVE. God bless.
gdnyt

Kirori

2006-09-16T11:56:00.000-07:00

this poem is dedicated to my cousin who died on the year 2001 at the age of 23.he was one of the best people one could have ever met.

i smile because i had my time with you
i am sad because you are gone
i cry because i will not see you again
i worry because i did not tell you
how much i cared...
and everyday i wish
you would be here
laughing with us
but you can't...you are gone
i try to keep every memory alive
with tears in my eyes
because i can't help to miss you
and all i want to do
is tell you that i loved you
and always will.
at times i wish i could
turn back the clock
start all over again
but i can't
but i still want you to know that i love you

movie : coach carter

2006-09-16T11:09:00.000-07:00

for all those who have seen this movie i think you find it a classic and for those who aint seen it yet hope u get to c it someday recited by Cruz had to pause,stop, pause n get it all for all who get to read this page.this is for y'all

our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure
it's our light not our darkness that most frightens us
your playing small does not serve the world
there's nothing enlightened about
shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you
we were all meant to shine as children do.
its not just in some of us, its in everyone
and as we let our own light shine,
we unconciously give other people
permission to do the same
as we are liberated from our own fear
our presence automatically liberates others.

Xtreme rage

2006-09-08T12:49:00.000-07:00

he loved her
so deeply
he would have
easily,
gladly,
without a second thought
given up his life for her.

they took her life
just because
he put behind bars
the "father" of all mafia
now he's outraged
he didn't even attend her burial
for they put him
in a semi-coma
only to wake up
and find out she dead.

now her death he must avenge
not resting till all have paid
for taking away his wife
the love of his life
his mind has taken control
of his body
he ain't listening to nobody
overcome by grief and anger
tripping, grieving, mourning
but not forgiving

now he sits thinking
lost in his own world
jail ain't doing him right
having taken his revenge
now his crime he must pay
living life without amaze
what did accomplish??
....................he wonders
nothing.............his wife dead
....................he wonders
staring into space.

what love can make you do
one knows not
till you love.............love deeply
and truely.

a story that was forwarded by a friend of mine.

2006-09-07T10:43:00.000-07:00

Some years ago, on a hot summer day in south Florida, a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole that was behind his house. In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the backdoor, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went. He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore. In the house, his mother was looking out the window. She saw that as they got closer and closer together. In utter fear, she ran toward the water, yelling to her son as loudly as she could. Hearing her voice, the little boy became alarmed, and made a U-turn to swim to his mother. It was too late. Just as he reached her, the alligator reached him. From the dock, the mother grabbed her little boy by the arms, just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began a very incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the mother, but the mother was much too passionate to let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard her screams, raced from his truck, took aim, and shot the alligator. Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy Survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. On his arms, there were deep scratches where his mother's fingernails dug into his flesh; in her effort to hang on to the son she loved. The newspaper reporter, who interviewed the boy after the trauma,asked the boy if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. Then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, "But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Mom wouldn't let go." You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly, and have caused us deep regret. But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go. In the midst of your struggle, He's been right there, holding on to you. The Scripture teaches that God loves you. You are a child of God. He wants to protect you, and provide for you in every way. But, sometimes, we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril ~ and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack. That is when the tug-of-war begins. If you have the scars of His love on your arms, be very, very grateful. He will not ever let you go. God has blessed you, so that you can be a blessing to others. You just never know where a person is in his/her life, and what they are going through. Never judge other persons scars, because you don't know how they got them. Also, it is so important that we are not too selfish to receive the blessings of these messages without telling them to someone else. Right now, someone needs to know that God loves them, and you love them too ~enough to not let them go!!!
God bless!

Worship

2006-09-06T09:47:00.000-07:00

I salute Professor Wangari Mathai.
As i was thinking of how she tries to save the forests from being eliminated or from diminishing i finally understood something.If you all look at it from this point of view you might understand why it pisses her off to see trees being cut down.So i was thinking if we cut all trees down the birds and all the animals that live on trees would have nowhere to live.If we take the birds for example they would have no place to build their nests thus no place to lay their eggs meaning the birds as a species would diminish.if you think about it whole lots of species would be wiped out yet thats what makes nature so beautiful if you are a lover of it.there would be nobody to worship God every morning like the birds do coz we have forgotten God and now we worship money, people and our jobs that we have no spare time for Him but the birds always do it in the morning and they rhyme so good that it makes the morning peaceful and one feels blessed. Imagine like they say in the Bible stones praising God yet He gave us the mouths to do so;dont y'all find that sad????????

21st May 2006

2006-09-05T11:31:00.000-07:00

It's funny how one can find out stuff about themselves as they ponder thier minds in everyday lives. Today i started thinking about how am always in the middle;born in a family of 3,am the 2nd born(middle), dont ever get along with my parents like my sista n brotha do. as i was thinking about all this it hit me how i took both my parents character traits. my mother easily gets pissed and it chokes her to tears, she can really get mad to the point she dont care, hardworking, puts others first, doesn't really get along with her father;as for my father he's too independent that he finds it hard to ask for help, makes haste decisions when he angry, piles stuff in his heart and he rarely lets you know how he's feeling, always keeps time and i have picked up all these traits. Some am making changes as i grow up especially the getting pissed off qiuckly to a point i dont care, learning to let my feelings be known and not piling stuff in my heart.
I think it's wise to always be open to change. I don't have very much to say but today is a sunday;we had this priest at church today and man, that dude rocks;preached to us about how to love unconditionally just like God does i.e if you trully love someone then you dont have to give them conditions in order to love them-GENUINE LOVE-unlike what we have nowadays.We are loving people if they belong to our class, they pretty and make you look good when you in their company,if they dress expensively.
What happened to loving just because you like the person inside(their principles, what they stand for, their character) and not the outside person (color of skin, mode of dressing, beautiful, handsome)?????????????????

29th april 2006

2006-09-05T10:41:00.000-07:00

(I went to Karatina on 27th this month(2 days ago) to a friend of my mum's whose husband died. It's still that mourning period. when coming back home i thought of how sad it is for one to lose someone you share laughter, joy, sorrow, happiness, your thoughts, worries, dreams, desires and life with. It's hard because at some point you dont wanna go on living,but you know you have to b'cause they wouldn't want you to stop living,so picking up the pieces and moving on ain't easy, but you have to do it for both your sakes.
Death takes away some part of you coz you lose something;you want to cry or reap that pain out but you can't. Losing people in life is hard and i guess its coz they ain't in our lives anymore just memories of them and what makes it even sad is they leave without saying goodbye something they always do.
So far i dont know what am writing.I have kept my thoughts on hold for so long that i have forgotten how the thinking was going about.but today i was watching "Third Watch" a program i watch on saturdays @ 5pm about cops and paramedics always going out of their way to help people. Well, today one of my best characters (Bobby) died after a gunshot wound to the chest-he's a paramedic-was shot by a guy who was once his best friend,but after they grew up they went their separate ways.His friend ends up losing hope and faith and turns to drugs.When he comes back into Bobby's life he's so deep into drugs that they control him.As bobby helps him(to get him back to who he used to be once), stuff gets all mixed up;his buddy steals from Bobby's mum just to get some money to go get high.bobby goes looking for him when he realises what happened just to find him so high,snatches the drugs from his friend,his boy(if i may call him that) demands them back but Bobby dont give in and just as he's about to flash them down the toilet,his friend shoots him and they couldnt save him in the hospital.he dies out of love,he had hoped to save his best friend's life back to what it used to be,but he ends up dead and his friend in jail.Funny how life ends up screwed up sometimes huh!
We let the things of the world control us instead of us controlling them. We've lost that because nowadays we have let it take over that we hunting each other,we have forgotten what it means to love, share, humble ourselves, forgive and we have let anger, jealousy, envy, hatred, revenge, pride take over.We are drowning in our own sins;we have forgotten God and His ways, we have embraced the world and its misgivings.We sit back and watch people kill each other, children being raped, people taking each other for granted, being ill towards one another and we do nothing nor say anything. Like some are saying, its a time people decided to change, embrace it(change). b'cause change is good when positive, search within ourselves and analyse, see where we have gone wrong and rectify it. I pray that God feels me and people change their hearts,so help me God.
gdnyt.

i always wonder how things will be when/after i pass on, wonder if people will cry, be sad, feel like they've lost something that can't be replaced or will be they happy that am gone and no longer a pain or luggage or something they had to get rid of.Will there be anyone happy that he/she met me and will i have touched anyone's life??????????????

26th april 2006

2006-09-05T10:03:00.000-07:00

I gots so many things i want to write;the stuff that am thinking;at times its a whole lot that i tend to forget some.I gots so many questions.I love a program called "One Tree Hill" and everytime i watch it i end up with all these questions in my head.
i)What does it mean to grow up?
Is it when you celebrate your birthday and you become one year older, is it being mature and leaving all your childish ways and acting all old or is it taking life more seriously,finding out what you want in life and who you are and taking responsibilities and facing consequences of the things we do????????
ii)What is the place we call home?
They say "East or West, home is best".in this case home is where you were born and grew up.Many beleive that's home and its best but i beg to differ.What about for those who have bad memories of the place they call home and everytime they go back there(home) they have no peace because they are reminded of what they have chosen to leave in the past. Personally i think home is where you feel comfortable,it doesnt have to be where you grew up,but a place where you feel safe,secure and happy.and also where your heart is.
iii)Why avenge pain with pain?
they say you fight fire with fire, but what if you got burnt?????
i don't see why you have to avenge pain with pain because you end up feeling worse than before.Actually,i prefer if you let go and rise up and be the bigger man,solves a whole lot.
iv)Why does it scare to be in love??????????
I haven't been in love for sometime now, but i lost it sometime back after i got scared and let pride get in my way.I have learnt from my past mistakes and i know i'd like to feel that good again but am not ready for a relationship yet especially after *****(my recent ex).Anyway i think we get scared because we realise we letting someone in, meaning we let our guards down when it comes to them,we are trusting knowing we could be betrayed, loving knowing we could get hurt ,but then again we just living the moment we dont know what tomorrow brings forth. (i still believe in love though)-listen to a song by musiq soulchild called love
As human beings we got alot to learn,but mostly we close our eyes to the happenings around us and our hearts to those who are reaching out.Maybe its a time we opened our eyes,see what's around us as well as our hearts and learn to love all without discriminating.
gdnyt

25th April 2006

2006-09-05T08:33:00.000-07:00

I havent written anything since last week thursday till am shocked. today i had to say someting before i sleep and i can't wait to get into bed and think of nothin' but rest.
Ever realised how bad it could be if as human beings we took everything to heart? At times its good to dimiss things and let them just pass by, don't pay no attention. If we took everything that people say or do to heart then we would be hurt more than we usually do. Just realised it and of late i seem to be dismissing whole lot of things and i think am ok apart from me and my father. You see he's the only person who gets me mad enuff that it chocks me. Of late i have been feeling like he's trying to get into my nerves.every little thing he comments and just his choice of words really getting to me. Am trying so hard not to talk back but i know soon i'mma xplode and it aint gonna be pretty, that's why am shutting up.
Anyways i gots no much to say. Always wonder 'bout my death though; how i'mma die, how poeple are gonna be after i have passed on, how its gonna feel to be dead, if people are ever gonna discover my journals and read them, get to know how i used to think and feel. As humans we think lots, wonder and got so many questions that we know we can't have anwers to. Maybe someday we'll get all thm answers but for now am glad for what i have. i got to eat a muffin today and for this i thank the Heavens b'cause i consider it a blessing. thank you God.
I salute all the people who find joy in the little things.
gdnyte y'all

Sunday, March 19th 2006

2006-09-05T08:05:00.000-07:00

(i write a journal not everyday but mostly when i got something to say and i enter them by dates so i thought i share this day with y'all that get to read this page.mo' will be coming later.i hope we all realise that we have people who love us so much and we get to treasure them)

As i grow older, am mo' greatful for what i got i realise now. There are people in my life i treasure and realise they mean a whole lot to me. I look at the world differently each day. am greatful for the fact that i can breathe the fresh air every morning, i get to see the beautiful sunrays as the sun rises up, i get to hear the birds singing in the morning, i get to walk on God's given earth and i get to touch the leaves of the trees and admire how God's nature is rich. i may not have much but that makes me richer than anybody who has got million shillings in his/her bank account.
'No man is an island', they say and more than ever i realise that's true now.We all need people in our lives and not just anybody, people who bring positive attitude, positive thinking into our lives. I've always loved and admired Martin(a friend of mine) and after almost 3months of not seing him, today i realised how much i had missed him and why i always like him around. Everytime we talk i always take a reflection of myself and re-evaluate my life. That's how much effect he has in my life. I realise i gotta get some direction, do away with what brings me down and embrace what brings warmth and happiness into my life. Everytime i listen to neo-soul, i realise that the mind can go as far as it wants to and a human being can think so deep you wouldn't imagine.
It seems more than ever i gotta start acknowledging the people in my life i hold close to my heart. Giving and not expecting anything in return, learn how to accept that i can love and be loved just like any woman. Appreciate the much/little that life has to offer and be greatful am alive and not complain much about it. everything has a reason for its happening. Am still alive coz God wants me to be and its for a reason and that's why He lets me wake ue every morning. I may not have much to offer but i have a shoulder that my friends can lean on, love, compassion and the gift to make/put a smile on their faces and also listen when they need someone to talk to.
I know taking it day by day is my policy, but then again who lives without dreams??? We all want to be successfull and happy but we forget one can have it all and be unhappy. So i have to find how to intertwin them together, come up with my life plan, write down what i hope and want to do. Somehow that will be a start towards my happiness, but i still insist on that i have realised i have to treasure the people i got close to my heart.

Ma man

2006-09-03T08:13:00.000-07:00

oohh..oohh..
ma man
he's a brotha,
he loves no other
but me.

from his huggin' , to his lovin'
from his caresses , to his kisses
his luscious lips
explorin' my body
step..... by step
from the toes
he works his way up
nice 'n' slow , he takes it
sweet 'n' tender ,he makes it
just the way i like it.
he takes me so high
that i can fly
without wings
and when we become one
its a feelin'
like no other.

oohh..oohh..
thats ma man
who's a brotha
'n' loves no other
but me.

If i died

2006-09-02T02:39:00.000-07:00

if i died
right at this moment
would i die
a happy person?

have i lived
....lived my life
to the fullest
so far?

have i loved
or let be loved
shared the little
i have with anyone?

did i pay attention
to the teachings
instilled in me
by the church?

did i listen
to my parents
as they taught me
how to be a better person?

if 'twas
judgment day
would i stu...tter
or would i answer
the questions
God has for me?

if i died
right this moment

Would you?

2006-09-02T02:34:00.000-07:00

would you respond
if i told you
that i love you?

would you like it
if i told you
that you leave me
breathless?

would you be proud
if i told you
that i find you
the most handsome man
on the universe?

would you want me
if i told you
that you send chills
all over my body
with just one touch?

would you love me back
if i told you
i want to love you
till the end of times?

would you?

i love you

2006-09-01T09:57:00.000-07:00

if only you knew
how you make
my heart pound
everytime i see you
i get a chill all over my body
everytime i hear you speak
i feel alright
like you understand
everyword i say
and when we part
i think about you non-stop
going back to every conversation
we've ever had
since the first time i met ýou
and my heart gladens.
thank you

Beautiful

2006-09-01T09:53:00.000-07:00

i love you
not because you are
the most handsome guy
on earth
but because you understand me
am comfortable with you
and everytime i see you smile
i feel like
the most lucky girl on earth
you make me laugh
feel special
because everytime we talk
i feel we connect
i guess its because
you have the beautifulness in you
a quality that not many possess.

Is that person you?

2006-09-01T09:41:00.000-07:00

no one knows what am all about
my fears,my weaknesses, my strengths
whatever makes me happy or sad
whatever makes me laugh or cry
no one does;
but i want someone to know
someone who is close to my heart
a person that i really care about
is that person you?

i want to live
live life to the fullest
know that i can cry and be comfortable with it
to know that i can laugh
not because i have to
but because it is from
the bottom of my heart
i have dreams i'd like to fulfil
i want to share all this all of it with that somebody
but i dont know who
is that person you?

i need somebody who understands me
who treats me like a person
believes in my dreams
who likes me for me
makes my heart pound hard
that i lose my words
and i ask
is that person you?

Agnes

2006-09-01T09:40:00.000-07:00

(this poem is dedicated to a girlfriend of mine who died of cancer..she was loved, still is and it was an HONOUR to have met her and have her in my life)

as we lose our loved ones,
alot is left unsaid and undone,
but for the few things said,
and the few things done,
i'll always have you in my heart
and sweet memories kept in my head,
and as we gather here,
it is not to say goodbye,
but goodnight,
because i believe
we shall meet again,
until then my dear,
rest in peace
Amen.

Him

2006-09-01T09:39:00.000-07:00

he stared,
straight into my eyes,
i had to say "hallo"
though he looked handsome,
my doubts i had
and our conversation
made my heart limp,
so our phone numbers we exchanged.
at our first date, it felt right,
about himself he told me,
as honest as he could be,
he opened up,spoke his mind..
and now after a few days,
i realise i like him
but complicated it is,
scared of being hurt
ain't yet over a past relationship,
i can't explain myself better
hurting him is the last thing i want to do,
i can't seem to get that through,
but i hope in time
he realises am being truthful,
and giving him my best
is the best i can do
if he's willing to take that.

My poetry

2006-09-01T09:32:00.000-07:00

What is my poetry?

My poetry is,
my mind flowing,
from my soul,
to my heart,
to my head,
and out through my hand,
and so i write what am feeling,
what am thinking,
my poetry.

My poetry is,
letting me shift,
letting me be somebody else,
getting away form the ordinary,
to writing the extraordinary,
letting me be who i cannot be,
when i am not writing,
my poetry.

My poetry is,
when my soul takes over my mind,
when my heart takes over my head,
and i become a different person,,
and my hand writes,
what my mind doesn't know it thinks,
what my heart doesn't know it feels,
my poetry.

My Love

2006-09-01T09:16:00.000-07:00

Not a day goes by,
that i dont think of you
memories,sweet memories in my head,
tears of joy in my eyes,
with my love for you
filling my heart
even though you`re so far away
i hold u close to my heart
such that i can feel your presence,
when i close my eyes,
i can see your face
handsome as ever
your tender and sweet smile
that always said
"its alright,am here"
and i cannot help
to be happy
that i met you